My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
