the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
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It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
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My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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