If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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