she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
