In the future we'll all be gay
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
