i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
