Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
