My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
