Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
