those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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