You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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