drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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