He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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