He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
