i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
