remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
