drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
