Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
