my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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