there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
