I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Fuck appropriateness.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
