I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
