That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Just puked most of my soul out..
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
