I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
