my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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