i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
