Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
