Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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