I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
