There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
