Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
