She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
