I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
