Umm I'm too high to move.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
