So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize