Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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