I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
do herpes really smell.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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