Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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