So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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