so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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