I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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