tell your sister to shave her snatch
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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