my soul wont recognize me after tonight
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
