now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
