break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she pinky promised me she was 18
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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