I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
