I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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