He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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