NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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