Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just found puke in my bra..
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
