Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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