Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
So many bounce houses so little time
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
