I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
