my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
