Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
