shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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