I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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