i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
