Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
