The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Two words: blizzard sex
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize