I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he was CRYING into my vagina
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
