I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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