I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
