We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
