Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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