those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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