you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
