Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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