I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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