I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
