i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
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