when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
