I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
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Did I show you my penis last night?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
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I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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