I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
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Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
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I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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