Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
im holly from the hills drunk
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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