He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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