I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I am one with the molecules
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
