i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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