you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
