what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
