Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
