Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
