Your face is a jimmy john
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
