from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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