Bisexual people are plain selfish.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
